Friday, May 04, 2012

downhill

its been a depressing year, i swear, from one bad thing to the next and it doesn't get better. it just keeps climbing gradually to an eventual downpour...heavy one like today's. there are bad years and there are BAD years! this is one of those BAD years! anyhow its been raining this afternoon, cramps is killing me, i am staring at my PC totally unable to do anything constructive because staring at it for too long just gets my head throbbing like a thousand nails or insects are gnawing into the very core of my brain cells. i have a project to do that could cost me quite a lot when i am done with it however... i botched it up by misunderstanding the instructions meaning i have to REDO it...and in a week which is hardly possible unless i am some super hero... i am thinking of ways not to 'panic' so i can sort it but i am so unable to right now with cramps clawing away at my sanity. i like the fact that it rained, but i do feel like i am losing the fight. i am not fighting anymore. God tells me he is fighting for me and that's all i need to believe now because Life is a big blur of confusion and problems and there is no tangible way out.i wish i were a kid again, no problems, no deadlines, no debts, no messed up relationships or pain or nothing...simply the worry of not being fed, not doing homework and your best friend ditching you because you refused to give them a pencil... anyhow now that i am way grown up i guess i have to face my mountains only that to God i am still a child , so ama hide behind him and tell him to face all the issues in my life right now, seeing i am too cowardly to climb up NSSF building to he 7th floor and jump!

4 comments:

Afronuts said...

whoa!

Hey...you're too precious to want to kill yourself!!

I know life is not a bed of roses but I think it would help if you were able to FIND a REASON TO BE HAPPY.

Truthfully speaking, there are many reasons to be unhappy but thats because we have been unconsciously programmed to think that way.

But seriously, try to think of reasons to be happy and you'll survive the depressive moments and just see them as a passing phase; see the glass half-full instead of half-empty.

Trust...Things can only get better!
Take heart!

Wendal said...

That's deep, but you're doing the right thing by hiding behind the Almighty. That throwing yourself off of the 7th floor aint cool. Like 2Pac said in "Me Against The World" (which you might very well be feeling right about's now) ... 'Remember one thing, after every dark night, there's a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up" - You'll be fine, just soldier on.

Don said...

I'm willing to bet that you can't read this post now and not share laughter with yourself. It's never as bad as it seems and nothing will be placed upon us that we cannot bear.

I saw your tweet on Twitter and it led me here. I remember you. Thanks for once again reaching out to me.

lulu said...

hey don, how you doing, thanks thats encouraging i am okay now..it was a bad time and glad you reached out...back!