Friday, May 04, 2012
its been a depressing year, i swear, from one bad thing to the next and it doesn't get better. it just keeps climbing gradually to an eventual downpour...heavy one like today's. there are bad years and there are BAD years! this is one of those BAD years! anyhow its been raining this afternoon, cramps is killing me, i am staring at my PC totally unable to do anything constructive because staring at it for too long just gets my head throbbing like a thousand nails or insects are gnawing into the very core of my brain cells. i have a project to do that could cost me quite a lot when i am done with it however... i botched it up by misunderstanding the instructions meaning i have to REDO it...and in a week which is hardly possible unless i am some super hero... i am thinking of ways not to 'panic' so i can sort it but i am so unable to right now with cramps clawing away at my sanity. i like the fact that it rained, but i do feel like i am losing the fight. i am not fighting anymore. God tells me he is fighting for me and that's all i need to believe now because Life is a big blur of confusion and problems and there is no tangible way out.i wish i were a kid again, no problems, no deadlines, no debts, no messed up relationships or pain or nothing...simply the worry of not being fed, not doing homework and your best friend ditching you because you refused to give them a pencil... anyhow now that i am way grown up i guess i have to face my mountains only that to God i am still a child , so ama hide behind him and tell him to face all the issues in my life right now, seeing i am too cowardly to climb up NSSF building to he 7th floor and jump!