i could have been more christian ....

while doing my gospel show today and Sharpe Sewali and I maneauvered the terrain that is all things movies and christianity, i mentioned to him something i stumbled upon while doing my research. now a 2007 survey on christians and their impact on soceity showed that 87% young people btn the ages of 19-29 viewed christians sd judgemental, 85% hypocritical and 78% old fashioned. and Sharpe agreed to that. even as i laughed i couldnt help and acknowledge it was true, most especially the first two, 'old fashioed? welll...relatively, if it has to do with moral values, i would say no, if it has to do with selling of entertainment products like music or other, it holsds abit of truth.

so why am i talking about this/ well because it is at this point that my story comes in... coupled with the scripture corintihans 13:1-13.
its so easy to recite a scripture and yell 'amen!' when the pastor preaches on it, really easy...till it's put to the test in your life...

it was about five years ago. not a good time in my life, hustling, trying to make ends meet, make God ends meet too...and she walked into my life, into my church. a pretty girl with issues galore. somehow she chose me, and told me alot about herself, her life, her struggle, it was a painful story. she was alone, running from fate but her spirit was vibrant and strong and hopeful. it was amazing to see, to expereince. she was so young, only 16 but she knew more than a thirty year old. being around from pub to pub, man to man and one life to the next. despite it all she was hungry for God and a place to live, a place to start over.
in church we all know that whenever we all receieve christ, its not an overnight metamophrosis and alot has to change, in our minds, motives, lifestyles and most of that hadnt changed, coupled with her vivacious loud character. she was a mighty piece of work! i knew the truth, i knew what had to be done but between knownig and doing was a space in me, i didnt know how to do, how to be the christian i should be without encouraging her in the worng direction or being too judgmental.
in the mix of it all , i learn of her relationship with a close friend of mine. in telling me her ordeal with this gentleman, we realsie we know the same man... and i am in shock at what he did to her, chrisitan moreover... and to her, she is threathened i know him and thus comes a competition i am unaware of. i said we were close friends. in trying to defend her, i go out of my way against her wisahes to confront him to take his responsibilty of her, besides she still loves him. he refused, denied, claiming her a liar. she battled with the mixed feelings of love and hate and i tried to protect her, or so i thought i did. i told my church leaders about her and asked them to do something for her, my little shack was not exactly appropriate for us both... i had alot on me, financially, especially.
however it wasn't easy, i watched as we all distanced ourselves from a responsibility that we could have saved for good. everyone had an excuse not to keep her for a bit...'she is slutty,' 'she is too wild,' 'she's just not right'
we did this, i did too. as much as it was hard to let her go on alone rejected by a people she had come to and had shown herlove in the pews... it had ended there. no one wanted to stretch it.
we all had our own problems and believe you me, she was not an easy one. i took her on for a week but... every day of that week , i battled with being chirsitan to her and judging her and looking at her like something the cat dragged in that i didnt want to deal with, fueled on by theories from my christian friends, my own weakness in helping her., her inability to be as completely chrisitan as i hopeed. soon she got on everyone's nerves and i had to rforce my friend, her as if boyfy to take her on..it was a fight that lasted a few days because he was so unwilling.when she left finally... i heard some weeks later the things she told people about me... that i was trying to compete with her for her man, that i was mean to her and that she cant stand christains, she thought they would help her.
i was angry at first after i had fed her, shared my bed with her, opened for her the back door at 4am almost everynight, lent her my clothes and this is what she could tell people? her man?! oh Jesus. but now when i look bakc, i realsie that i was not able to disciple her right, and her motives and expectations were like everyone else who feels christians are superhuman who should , with a flick of their wrists sort your problems, take your crap, fend for you...
as much as we cant be jesus, i think that to genuinely love someone even when you can only help with 500 shillings goes along way in simply doing a duty grudgingly. she moved on, her positive spirit guided her on to a small waitressing job in town. her half hearted boyfy helped out best he could... as far as i could follow up the story.
but after that, i understood what it meant for our love to be in action and not just in words and how the true christian is judged by their action and not their words... i hadnt passed that test well. my heart had grumbled the whole time, my own self righteousness had been exposed as my fellow christians were exposed to me.
the lesson of 1 corinthians 13 is not an easy one grasped in one day, its a daily one and like the bible seems to say is 'our continuing debt will be that of love,' and our constant daily growth meter will be measured on our depth of love, a height we will not fully attain in our earthly suit, but to a certain level of maturity..yes.
so my motto is to be a better christian, a more loving one, a more patient, kind one. one that lives love and not just says it.