confessions of a lost visionary

this is an excerpt from my own dream collection, things i want to do in life,

'... a box of memories in my hand as i capture each staggering moment... the dying words of a fugitive with a mission.
that orphaned child who cries as his mother dies.' ME

'for i alone know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you...' Jeremaiah 29:11 BIBLE


I take a bow,
curtains close,
lights out,
i drop the masquerade and stand before the rehearsal mirrored room; facets of me at every angle. this is the real world and my moment of Truth.
i wipe off the make up , pull off the fake lashes and stare into my face.
"how long will i play the part? why do i forget where i should be?"

A long time ago i heard Him say...i did not realise it was Him till later; i cannot deny it was Him because no one speaks with such resolve and power like Him. His words always chased me.
i could not forget where i heard them; that muddy wet morning when i was almost run over by an old truck then an ancient looking horse drawn carriage pulls up beside my mud caked body quarterly emersed in the dump wet earth.
the hand startled me as it pulled the black lacey curtain aside., the rest of the body was well hidden and that hand flicked a coin at me. i reached out for it instinctively putting it up against the pale cold light...
i felt strangely drawn to this hand.
it beckoned to me.
i glanced at the driver.
he seemed to be in another place like he was detached from the world his body was visibly in; centuries away. i got up, admittedly drawn to the carriage; curiosity took the better of me and i stumbled onward unafraid. then the hand motioned me to stop when i was at arm's length distance close enough i presume.because the hand motioned me to stop.
i wondered how they could tell...
then the whisper that seemed to come from all over the air like an echo without a source.

"you hold your future in your hand...you have dreamed of this since you were a child; you thought it was child's play. But i am telling you, dream, allow yourself to dream, because i make you dream. i know the plans i have for you. I have placed them within you. you will never fail. you will be prosperous. it doesnt matter how long it takes...you will do what you have always dreamed"

and the carriage geared to life, gathered speed and mounted off in a calculated trot.
"....dream well... dont forget." the voice in its mystic way floated back from the receding carriage.
i looked at the coin in my hand.
it was no ordinary coin-
it was my dream-

so why was i here, playing a part?
a part i should have left?

the 'why's' and 'wherefore's

LETS TALK ABOUT L.O.V.E

recently while going to sit in for some one on a show, i read this interesting link i was so smutdzed!(thats my own word for tickled, amused, ruffled, refelctive)...all in one

anyway so here it is

through out history, mankind has deemed the heart the center of love. but scientists tell us love is all in our mind/brain and fueled by chemicals and chemistry.
when two people are attracted to each other, a virtual explosion of adrenaline- like neuro chemicals gushes out. fireworks explode and we see a gazillion stars.
researchers say this is as a result of a combination of chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine found in the brain
these chemicals combine to give us infatuation or "chemistry". it is why new lovers feel euphoric, energized and walk on sunshine, float on air etc it is also why new lovers can make love for hours and talk all night for weeks on end. this is the chemistry or 'love sparks' we all seek...





then another interesting discovery i found today while chit chatting with some one was
the fact about the camel's hump
now did you know that the camel has a hump because it needs to store water coz it lives in an arid area, desert? well who doesn't know this since it is P.4 geography or was it biology?
anyhow whichever the issue is the hump, which hump ...scientists , reasrchers habve found curiously interesting existing in ample amounts on the backsides of african women.
explanation is that like camels we live in the tropical, arid zones unlike the west and thus we have more fat and water stored in our back side for the same -ishh purpose a camel is endowed on its back.... intersting? huh? well its something i need to look up on.
so there all my trivias

plus what have been your most jolting moments while travelling in a taxi

well mine are quite many.
1. suddenly being zapped back from what ever thinkland i was in because a gentleman next to me burst out in rapturous singing along with Natalie Cole to some missing you song...accompanied by his occassionally whistling out of tune to it. harrowing moment!

i cant remember the others i guess because this one is as fresh as an hour ago but it was funny

so what have been yours?

oh AND jESSICA aLBA TRYNA prove she aint blonde!

Alba lashes out at O'Reilly

Jessica Alba is disappointed in all of us for paying attention to her during what she blogs is "perhaps the most salient time in our country's history." (Don't worry, Jess, we're more disappointed in ourselves than you'll ever know.)

She's speaking, of course about the "a-hole" episode, when Jessica called out Bill O'Reilly and then harassed a reporter who didn't want to answer her questions—taunting him with "Be neutral about it, be Sweden!" This, of course, gave TMZ a chance to call her a ditz for not saying Switzerland.

But Jess isn't going to sit around and let people call her stupid, especially when Wikipedia and MySpace exist to clear her name. This is her defense of giving Sweden the neutral shout-out:

"Last week, Mr. Bill O'Reilly and some really classy sites (i.e.TMZ) insinuated I was dumb by claiming Sweden was a neutral country. I appreciate the fact that he is a news anchor and that gossip sites are inundated with intelligent reporting, but seriously people...it's so sad to me that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out: [Wikipedia link] if you want to see what I was referring to. I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!"

Well, we can't argue with Wikipedia. You win, Jess. You're totally smarter than TMZ

dear Hattie...

I met him today…you know…him.
He was just like how we said he would be, funny with the laughing eyes. Remember that day? When it was too hot for either of us to play in the farm house and we ran to the river?
I smile now as I remember how we raced to that brook with muddy water gutting out from its sides in short spurts like a freshly slaughtered goat. Nana warned us often not to step there. I won’t forget how we cried that day it rained when your papa beat us with those short bamboo sticks on our legs. I never thought I would walk again. We even planned to escape so we can live near the brook and never be seen again. We imagined how much we would be missed and how everyone would regret what they had done to us.
Hm, Hattie,
I miss us, being young and free and lost in the amusement of frivolity, we had the whole world ahead of us like a giant ocean constantly seducing us to its banks; to dare ourselves to swim with the dolphins and the currents….and the sharks!
I am giggling now.
I am crying too
It’s a strange feeling but I welcome the bitter sweet agony of having the memories so close yet so far.
It tickles me till I laugh and the fingers stab harder
And I cry for the pain.
And I saw him today, Hattie. He was the embodiment of my dream…our dream. You always said he would be handsome with the teasing glint in his eyes. They scare me, they remind me of you. They taunt and tease and tell me am undone… but they fascinate me too.
He shared my table with me, I was okay with it an d then we started talking as he had his tea. I had finished mine, I ordered for another ….to keep me warm? No, to keep him company.
So we talked till late. I forgot I had to go. I forgot about my appointments.
I forgot I had to see Mamir. It was like we had said
That his presence would steal the very life from our souls
That time would stand still as we gazed into the deep brown pools of his eyes. That nothing would matter
It happened to me.
We spoke easily. He was funny
He was intelligent and he was sensitive.
He opened life and the world to me in a way I had never seen it. Maybe because I never tried to see it.
And we talked about everything. From passion to poetry to life in war torn cities to chocolate factories… remember the walrus and the carpenter? I laugh now when I think of it…yes
We talked of ‘shoes and ships and sealing wax!’
And the more I gazed into his eyes the deeper my pain coursed. Down my veins into the centre of my soul where all of life felt sapped and dry. Where I stored the memories of you.
Hattie I did not write this letter, as I have written many others before, to tell you about him.
I wrote this letter like I have always done, to share my grown up moment with you. To let you know that even though you are not here, I see you in everything, in his eyes, in my coffee and I feel you within me.
I was wrong. I am sorry. I should have been a better friend Hattie. I was wrong.
And for as long as I live, I shall not forget the regret I live with for what I could have said when I had the time to say it. And now I say it
Like I say in every letter on your birthday, every year.
I am sorry, I left you. I am sorry I went away,
I am sorry I was heartless
I am sorry you never knew
That l loved you immensely
That I would not have hurt you if i could do it all over again
That your presence haunts me till now
And I miss you abundantly.
Hattie I want you to know I loved him for us.
I don’t know who he is but his memory stays etched within me
He was like you in every way possible
And I know you know because we shared that moment together.
We shared it together.On this beautiful day…happy birthday.
Rena.

my bad

right opposite my house, acroos my road, only highway, is a small kiosk that i occassionally borrow airtime and stuff on credit when things are tight. the lady is sweet, and usually i can borrow up to so much that i feel absolutely guilty for it. now usually the borrowing process can be harrowing because her English is not entirely the best.
now and again, i have heard her and her kids and husband speak , in a strange language and the only other language i find extremely peculiar and alien to me is Lugisu, i never click a word of it, so i concluded they were/are bagisu. then yesterday,
i saw the light!
i went over as usual to get me some 'stuff' and find another customer with her and they are engaged in conversation, in my mind i am thinking ;lugisu' again. so i tinkered with my phone awhile till the drone of voices caught my attention and realised, lol! they are speaking french...not broken phrases by the way, fluent effortless french
i gagged, choked...
spluttered
then the lady customer asks the madame,
if i spoke french... in French
and she, the lady seller, laughed and said,
no she only speaks English
thats when i chipped in with my broken french and said , i actually did understand french largely but spoke just abit, so we toyed around in K.b, I WAS AMAZED!
NOW I CAN HAVE CHEAP FReNCH LESSONS AND PROLLY extra attention now....!

have you heard?

i got to work this moring and there is a rumour going round that Chsameleone got into an accident last night and might be dead.
we are just tryna verify those allegations.

meanwhile Namelss is invited for Obama's inauguration....woah, i wonder who forwarded his name. i was going to say why not P-Square, then i remembered he is Kenyan and he records from US i hear and he is doing quite well...

COLOURED EYES

Sometimes I see you differently
And hope you’ll stay that way
My eyes are shadowed by thought's light,
'Perhaps you’ll be this way'
But when I blink and shadows fall
I find that you never really changed
___Maybe it is I who needs to change
Maybe I need to see you clearer
Not through the colours I’ve shed in my eyes
And accept that you’ll always be
What I see in black and white.



well apart from that i got nothing much to say. i am just toooooooo busy so much to do, but i am hopping to see everyone tomorrow and we can discuss the anothology according to the voting polls, it seems like ' i dint die' is gaining alot. 27th Be as if rejoicing followed by number 10, 'when we say goodbye'. anyhow good people.
tomorrow.
be good

thinking out loud!

There’s a reporter on Al Jazeera called Zeina AWad who looks like Carlo, for real, she’s reporting on the war on Gaza from Gaza . For riyo riyo! Meanwhile WHAT HAPPENED TO Sleek do I have a wrong address of his or he moved… I really enjoyed his blog back then.
Okay……
Now as I was chewing on some really indigenous juicy mangoes, yester night, a brilliant idea came to me (see the light bulb and the ‘Bling!’ Sound coming on, huh?)Yeah, that!
I thought of making a video game, called the ‘mango picker’ (don’t laugh; I could be the next ‘Wright Brothers’ at once!)Anyway, this game will go like this… the route will be an upcountry route in Uganda that sells mangoes at every 2 minutes stop and little heaps of mangoes will be at the side of the road with a seller. Some stops will have two mounds to three mounds of mangoes others one. Now each mound will cost a maximum amount of 2000 shillings and if you can bargain to 500 shillings for each mound, you get bonus 1500 points for it all. If you can bargain for all three mounds at 500 all, you earn yourself 5000 points! And it’s the hardest! Now there are mounds that could be cheap up to 200,if you pick them you lose 100 points in 20 seconds if you don’t add to them in the next Minute, remember that each stop is in 2 minutes (I wonder how you will do it) there are also raw mangoes and bad mangoes in a heap, raw mangoes make you lose 50 points and rotten mangoes make you lose all the money you used. I am still trying to see how to incorporate that.
But the funny part for me is the bargaining part, now you bargain for only 30 seconds coz you are running low on fuel and time!
Phew! Did you get it?
I wonder how these guys make video games
But yeah that’s the plan, I can see you and the little guy bargaining over bad mangoes and you losing allllllllll your points and mangoes and time and fuel and….uh-oh …GAME OVER!
DO YOU WANT TO TRY AGAIN?
I think I forgot the mango robbers that may attack you and you need to dodge them (no guns this is a none violent game) but you risk running out of fuel and losing mangoes in the process…Hmmm (thinking, thinking haaaarrrrd) maybe I should leave that out and incorporate it in another fruit picking game.)
Look, if a game for peeps that have humongous beef for Bush can help them release their pent-up emotions by throwing shoes at him in a game, why not picking mangoes!

attention you guys

umm the new year has found me n a really lazy note and i plan to take leave
then
i was wondering if we could all,as blogren write a short story anthology.
i was planning to do one solo and thought i would pass on the idea and say use one theme... like 'a cup of tea' or something like that so that it rotates around one theme but various voices..
doing it solo, well, i thought it would be boring for anyone to read the same style of writing in every page. now short short stories to long sotries are welcome
short short stories from as short as 300 words to long stories as long as 8000 words.
can we do it? lemme know
and we could do our own blogeren collection


ummm pick a theme, the most voted for theme will be used and deadline for stories should be 30th april this year. i will deal with the publishing and stuff pass it on to the other bloggers. thanks...
thats if you are game

1. a table for two.
2. i call it war!
3. when love loses meaning.
4. the punctuated letter.
5. a lot about life
6. urban afternoons
7. over a mug of coffee
8. did you hear that? (collection of ghost stories)
9. i didnt die (horror and macabre stories)
10. when we say goodbye. (as long as its sad, death of people, heartbreak etc)
11. Lover's rock (about love)